Yesterday a friend asked if I would like to draw an inspiration card. I was tired but agreed. With little motivation I wondered what I would like to ask, and the only thing I could think of was a desire for some sign that I am doing the right thing by starting this blog.
I picked a card. “Make myself visible”
The accompanying text with this card said that I am ready to pursue that which has made my heart race for such a long time. The thing that sometimes fills me with fear and awe. That something that makes me feel blessed to be alive. It said that everything I have learnt so far has been in preparation for what now lies before me. And that the wonderful thing is that I am not afraid, as I know that my battles are behind me, and that I have conquered my internal opponents. I am fulfilled by everything I give out into the world. I move into contact; I receive it back. I can no longer be overlooked.
I think it’s clear from this message that the universe is on my side. Or at least my subconscious is, which is probably sufficient :)
However as much as it resonated, I was left wondering exactly what the thing is that makes my heart race (many things do), that sometimes fills me with fear and awe (same), that makes me feel blessed. I have never had one overriding passion; like my fellow multipotentialite Emilie Wapnick I am interested in everything (yes, really everything) and can become passionate about anything.
But I think what makes my heart race more than anything else, is the possibility of me crawling out of my shell of quietness, and exploding into full, vibrant life. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been living on 10% of my energy and potential for much of my life. I think the thing that scares me the most is the possibility that I never break out of whatever is holding me back; that I never show the world my whole self and give everything that’s in me. Because I do feel like I have something to give. And the thought of leaving here without having shared that fills me with great sadness and occasionally, panic.
So here I am, world. I vow that from now on I will try my hardest to live at 100% of my potential. Out of the darkness and into the (virtual) light.