Has Accountability Gone Out of Fashion??


This post is a question about accountability. It’s a topic that gets my knickers in such a knot I’m not sure whether it’s from other people’s behaviour or if I twisted them up myself with all my squirming.

Here’s the question: when did it get ok for people to have such low standards? And by that I mean low standards of behaviour? When did being honourable, honouring your commitments, keeping your word, and being responsible become outdated?

Don’t get me wrong – I am far from perfect, but at least I  f**king try. And when I mess up, I own it.

Today I spoke with someone who is in a professional relationship with me and who really messed up. It cost me time, effort and money. And when I confronted her in an open and honest way, she refused any accountability for her behaviour whatsoever.

I am frequently surprised and frustrated by people promising to do things and then never hearing anything again. I have several friends who repeatedly either don’t show up when they said they would or don’t show up at all – and every time I wonder “Do I expect too much? Is the problem here really with me?”

But the thing is that deep inside, I know it’s not me, I know that all I ask for is what I give. No more no less. And that involves respect, honesty and accountability.

And I think I’m done.

I’m done putting up with accepting that kind of behaviour. I know what I want my life to look like, I know what frequency I want to live at.

And it’s not down there with the mediocre or the downright crap.

Luckily I also have many friends who are ultra accountable and deeply honest – and this shows me that it’s not that my expectations are unreasonably high; it’s that we have high standards.

I know it’s hard to pull yourself up when you’re feeling low. I understand that it’s tough to ask more of yourself than you receive from those around you. Trust me, I know exactly how hard it is. But the bottom line is that you are what you do, and so you have a choice. You always, ALWAYS have a choice:

“What kind of person do I want to be today?”

I fail all the time. And every day I ask “Please help me to do better”. And I try. And I fail. But in that trying and failing, I learn, I stretch my limits, I surprise myself occasionally. And I do better.

All I’m asking is for people to try. And when they fail, to step up and own it.

Because without that level of presence, nothing will change; neither individual lives nor the world.

And we all want things to change, right?


9 thoughts on “Has Accountability Gone Out of Fashion??

  1. Great post! It is sad, but in many cases, I believe accountability has gone the way of the Dodo Bird. Maybe they are sitting together on a beach somewhere – Dodo Birds and Accountability, hanging out and listening to the ocean. I need to go find them and sit with them! Peace . . .


  2. This post spoke to me, but probably in an intended way. It has only been in the last few years that I have embarked on a completely new way of living…and, it has been an everyday practice with ebbs and flows of progress. I have invested time, thought and being into living in the moment, being more aware, finding connection with humanity rather than differences. But, I sometimes feel like a hypocrite when I feel that old emotion of anger, frustration, criticism creep back into me. Now that I have adopted this new belief system that people are in pain and to be kind and forgive their transgressions…how can I be angry or frustrated with them? Further, who am I to judge their actions no matter how egregious? After reading your about page and some blog posts and really admiring your work I’m relieved to know that there are people like you who also get frustrated and say “enough is enough”! Thank you.


    1. Hey Rachel, thanks so much for your kind comment and I’m so glad you get it too! It’s so tricky, trying to let go of judgement and moving more into compassion while at the same time honouring where we’re at and our authentic emotions….I would love to never get angry when people mess up and just feel love all the time, but I’m just not there yet..and I think that if we want to be people who help move society forward to a more enlightened, compassionate culture then we must learn how to make that shift ourselves. Gurus and spiritual teachers who actually do (practically) only feel love are so far removed from where most people are at that it’s hard to imagine that we can get closer to that…there needs to be more discussion about the transition, and more transparency.
      Thank you so much for tuning in!


  3. Are you making accountabiliy accountable? Thank you Steff for having the courage and work on yourself to be responsible for all your actions!


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