What an intense week.
An emotional ride magnified by crazy dreams, the launch of Authentic Brussels, and in the middle of it all, my 33rd birthday.
On the day itself, I took myself off to the seaside, which I’ve been longing for all summer and not managed to make happen, and skipped and kicked and splashed with delight in the sand and the sea, rambled over dunes, and finally plonked myself down to do some pondering, feeling and listening.
I looked back at the last year, and for the first time on a birthday (usually this is an end-of-the-calendar-year activity), wrote it all out.
The lessons that were most prominent, the events, courses, travels, people, questions still unanswered.
The journey of my heart through those 12 months. The freedom gained. The disappointments. The goals left by the wayside. The unforeseeable changes in course that make life so exciting and disruptive and alive.
And I thanked the year, for its beauty and sadnesses and most of all for its diversity, and for the big fat lessons that gave me exactly what I needed at exactly the right time.
I felt into the promise of this 34th year of my life and, rather than the plans and dreams I thought would come, I felt a desire to make some commitments – surprising for someone who generally avoids that term. But I started, and out they tumbled, one after the other.
This is my birthday wish list/pledgelist for the coming year of my life. And it feels vulnerable to share it with you…and there’s power in that. Here goes…
I commit to rediscovering my playfulness. My goofiness. My lighthearted, childish delight.
I commit to my health. The happiness of my body.
I commit to owning my desire.
I commit to exploring my edges. To embracing constructive conflict.
To stepping into my power, as a woman, as a leader, as a mover and shaker.
I commit to seeing the beauty in all of life. In surrendering to whatever the present moment brings.
I commit to being the best I can be. To seeing how beautiful I am. To honouring all that I am.
To pushing my will out into the world. To creating everything I dream of.
I commit to owning my boundless creativity in all that I do.
I commit to being the person the man I want to be with is looking for.
I commit to getting even more free. To owning my sexuality. My voice. My love. My fuck-ups.
I commit to honouring my need for connection, and my need for silence.
I commit to being responsible for my long-term happiness.
I commit to walking my path.
The Bigger Picture
And on the bigger scale of my whole life, it feels as though I’ve spent 33 years learning to live with my sensitivity, and as though now, finally, I’ve arrived at a point where I am able to be in this world enough to actually do something, rather than just surviving.
And there’s so much energy there, energy that’s been buttoned down, waiting, for half my life to be set free.