I’m a wholehearted believer that being alive is a great opportunity to feel turned on, embodied and delicious (and I secretly think we women have a head start with this). After all, this whole crazy trip of being in a skin bag for a little while is just one big adventure – we might as well feel a good as we can while we’re on it.
Most of the time, I’m feeling it. But sometimes – when I’m ill for example, as I was last week – I can slip into feeling crappy. It feels gratifyingly justified when I’m sick because hey, my body is under attack; people should feel sorry for me and take care of me dammit (note: feeling (and looking) pathetic really helps convey this message).
There are however a few large flaws in this approach.
Firstly, I live with a mostly-absent housemate so there’s no one to feel sorry for me and my snivvely sadness; Second, it makes me feel worse. Measurably.
So there I sat, head filled with snot, sneezing approximately every 5 seconds with a growing mountain of excessively limp tissues next to me, working on a retreat for women that’s all about feeling delicious, and through the fog of mucus-induced thickness, I had a thought.
What can I do to feel delicious right now?
And there, clear as day, was the response: I can CHOOSE to feel delicious.
I can choose to remember how delicious it is to be in this body, to be able to move sinuously, to feel my muscles flex and contract, to admire the grace with which I can move, cat-like with smugness at how gorgeous it feels when I tune into my own sensuality, into my body.
This body that wants so much to be lived. To be loved.
That wants so much to be used to dance and move and play and explore, that offers itself unhesitatingly for this adventure of life, that works so diligently to serve me without ever asking for appreciation.
When I remember to really BE WITH it, when we move as one, rather than a head directing a puppet (the way I moved for most of my formative years), then I am plunged, effortlessly, into my own deliciousness.
And here, in the sway of my hips, in the curve of my belly, in the soft motion of this perfect, breathing, living creature, is healing, happiness, home.
One of my favourite tracks for inducing a deep feeling of embodied deliciousness (with a touch of the mystical)